November 16th, 2005


"You took your mental burdens and threw them on everyone else." "Oh well, fuck 'em."

Sometimes I need to purge - yesterday was one of those days. I dubbed it "Clearing Day."

For several weeks, I have been a bit of a stress-ball. Education, work, and my personal life12 were all applying significant pressure. Pressure is something I don't believe I respond to effectively when surrounded. An overloaded camel is the imagery I harbored as a form of mental comic standup.

Whether though a final emotional build-up, or more likely through the collapsing point energies of not sleeping in over 24 hours - I decided enough was enough. It was time to stalk like a hunter - doorstep to phone call to IM, person to person - and let free my withheld feelings and opinions.

In a reasonable world, I would be the perfect example of total honesty. Pity, I don't live in one of those theoretical realities. It's easier to hold your tongue out of civility - and then proceed further down the path of silence. Each step I take is rationalized by the ones previous.

One moment it's too much. I realized my lifestyle was not currently what I had long ago had determined was acceptable. DING DONG - "I am breaking up with you. I am not holding up my side of our relationship." PING PING - "You treat roughly half our species like shit." DING DONG - "I'm sorry, but I don't want to continue our 'friendship.'" ... and so on, and so forth. Inarguably harsh at times.

And for the record, I fail at NaNoWriMo. I'm so far behind that I have, for all intents and purposes, relinquished. I haven't inquired into samfu's progress...