April 2nd, 2005


(3) This journal is the setup.

Drama! I'm sick of it. I'm sick of everything. jawdropper woke me up this afternoon at 1pm, and recounted her night. The entire time, in my mind, I was screaming "she does it so frequently, and it doesn't faze her!" Everywhere I look, I see people doing it. I've been listening to RATATAT's Remixes, Vol. 1 album on repeat for a day or so, and if you look on the Internet about those rappers - almost all of them do it too. Are they role models?


I'm sick of thinking about it all the time! I hate the expectations. I keep going through the phases in my life, and I think it's time for another. I wasn't always this way, and I think I was happier before. samfu has come in my room, and complains about how he needs to do it more. What am I supposed to do?! Buy some for him?! I think that's going above and beyond the duty of a friend - outside of the conditions of a bachelor party, or a night of failed pimping. (I'm joking about that last one.) However, with so much built up around it, I don't see why it's so important.

Yes, it feels good. I'll admit that. College is a time to experiment, and everyone is in their youthful prime. Sexy, available, bodies walking around and hormones rushing. I want to impress my peers just as much as the next guy. But, is it really impressive for my number to be higher than my friends? I know some guys who have lost count! They just do it.

I hate it. It's getting to me. I'm going to stop... stop... stop!

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